Enabling toxic culture
Toxic culture and our enabling behaviours surrounding it. The truth about our increasing nonchalant behaviours and how society is responsible for its own change.
Excusas, entschuldigen, excuses
This is a word we have heard various times. Constantly overused by parents, teachers and basically any adult in our lives [I really hated that, I’m giving you a good reason for why I didn’t do well, and you’re saying no excuses (◔_◔)]. It is a word that assigns fault and responsibility to the person seemingly at fault, trying to justify actions perceived to be wrong. The problem with excuses is that it is only used when the person is supposedly wrong. So the important question is, as a society or a community what is considered wrong?
Do we live in societies that justify and give excuses for abuse (physical, mental and sexual)? For child marriages? For denying people basic human rights and amenities? Just like we are told at almost every point in our lives, it is time to tell society ‘No Excuses’.
The truth about being an enabler
According to the American Psychological Association, enabling is defined as, ‘‘a process whereby someone (i.e., the enabler) contributes to continued maladaptive or pathological behaviour (e.g., child abuse, substance abuse) in another person. The enabler is typically an intimate partner or good friend who passively permits or unwittingly encourages this behaviour in the other person; often, the enabler is aware of the destructiveness of the person’s behaviour but feels powerless to prevent it.’’
It is so easy to slip into the position of being an enabler. They allow destructive behaviours because they feel like they have no voice, or no choice, but to accept what has happened, is happening or is going to happen. Most people become passive enablers because they do not want to get involved. However, I urge you to take a stand, to at least make it known that you do not tolerate any destructive behaviour even if it is not you that is primarily involved. We have to stop the cycle of only getting involved when it is too late to make things better. This reminds me of the book Monday’s not coming by Tiffany D.Jackson, which elaborated further on the damage of silence, especially when the party concerned is a family member or neighbour.
A better environment is definitely possible
It might seem like a dream, but society can grow, can learn and can change. Nothing is set. Just like Giddens argued, individuals have the potential to create change because we are not just blank pieces of paper, but rather the structures and practices that make society can be transformed (structuration in layman terms, that Sociology A-level coming in handy). Currently, I exist in such a society. It might not be 100% excellent, but people are pushing to create the change they wish to see (Changemakers, True in name and nature). I am extremely tired of people staying out of situations because it is not their business. I am very proud that my community feels strongly about making the environment safe and comfortable for any and everyone. No one deserves to live in fear and subjugation because of excuses and people refusing to accept that things can and should be better.
I refuse to be silenced
The overall point of this post is to highlight toxicity in society and express how important it is to strive for change: be it creating awareness, setting up centres to provide the necessary help or lifting our collective voices to ensure that no one is left behind or made to feel like they are an anomaly or alone (in other words, aloha means family and family means no one gets left behind, so aloha guys!). What really inspires me are the words, ‘‘They said, You are a savage and dangerous woman. I am speaking the truth. And the truth is savage and dangerous.’’ written by Nawal el Saadawi in her book Woman at Point Zero. Our truth must come out because that is the only way radical change can happen. I for one, promise to never be silent concerning things I feel I can change, and I will forever strive to create the change I seek. So take courage! Change is possible, and it is time we tell society, NO MORE EXCUSES!